


The Flying Fickle Phoenix Of Fate

by KB9VCN



Category: Virtual Streamer Animated Characters, hololive English
Genre: Alternate Universe - Noir, F/F, Friendship, Humor, One Shot, Watson Saves The Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29773872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Published 28-Feb-2021; alt-universe/humor/romance??; about 1500 words.For the31_days"The Things They Left Behind" prompt.I was planning something else for my February one-shot, but I suddenly fell down the VTuber Rabbit Hole and threw this together at the last minute.  This is an AU fic from Amelia's POV, but hopefully, the girls are more or less themselves and in character.This contains phoenix pseudo-death and mild adult humor.  Reader discretion is advised.
Relationships: Mori Calliope/Takanashi Kiara
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	The Flying Fickle Phoenix Of Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Published 28-Feb-2021; alt-universe/humor/romance??; about 1500 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[The Things They Left Behind](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3661501.html)" prompt.
> 
> I was planning something else for my February one-shot, but I suddenly fell down the VTuber Rabbit Hole and threw this together at the last minute. This is an AU fic from Amelia's POV, but hopefully, the girls are more or less themselves and in character.
> 
> This contains phoenix pseudo-death and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

I remember the case as if it were yesterday. That's one of the advantages of being a time traveler as well as a detective— if you do it right, then everything WAS yesterday.

Anyway, I was relaxing in my office, slurping down noodles and ground-pounding someone's mom on company Internet, when someone knocked at my door. "IT'S OPEN," I said. And then... SHE walked in.

I quickly realized that this dame was trouble. My first clue was the FREAKIN' HUGE SCYTHE that she wore on her back. But then, I also realized that this dame was IN trouble. The only things darker than her black clothing and grim aura were the bags under her eyes. She literally looked like Death warmed over.

"Can I help you, miss?..." I asked as I paused my game and finished my noodles.

"My name is Calliope Mori. I..." The woman sat in in my guest chair, swayed briefly, and then face-desked.

"Uh, are you OK?" I asked.

"* _SNORE_ * said the woman.

I reached out and tapped her shoulder once or twice. "Hello? Sorry, but could you not drool on my desk?"

"GUH!!" The woman sat up with a start. "WHAT YEAR IS IT!?"

"Can I get you some black coffee or some strong tea?" I said. "You look like you need it."

"I don't handle caffeine well," the woman said as she stifled a yawn, "and I'm too busy to sleep this week. I'll try to get some sleep next week."

"In that case," I asked, "what can I do for you, Ms. Mori?"

"Calli is fine. As you might have gathered, I'm a reaper. And I wanted to talk to you about a missing person— or rather, about missing a person."

"Were you close?" I asked sympathetically.

"I wasn't close enough," Calli said. "You see, I swung my scythe too high while I was trying to reap her and I missed her, and then she got away."

"I rarely turn down work," I said, "but I'm usually asked to SOLVE murders, not to become an accomplice."

"This person is an exception," Calli said. "You see, she's a phoenix. And since I'm a reaper, we have a special relationship— IT ISN'T LIKE THAT!!"

"I didn't say anything," I said with a smug shipping grin.

"As a phoenix, she always comes back from the dead, but she still has to be reaped once in awhile," Calli explained. "And after I reaped her a few times, we got to know each other— I SAID IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!!"

 _SURE it isn't,_ I thought to myself. "If you two are at least friendly," I asked, "why are you so anxious to reap her?"

"She's overdue to be reaped again," Calli said. "If I don't reap her soon, it could affect the entire cycle of afterlife."

"How bad would that be?" I asked.

"Have you seen _The End Of Evangelion_?" Calli asked in turn.

"Point taken," I said with a shudder. "I'll see what I can do. Has this girl got a name?"

" _Kusotori_ ," Calli growled.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Sorry, force of habit. Her name is Kiara Takanashi."

—

Since I didn't have any leads, I asked an old friend if we could meet at the _takoyaki_ stand down the street. My friend is a sweet girl, but she has some contacts in some REALLY dark places.

"Wah! How lovely to see you again!" Ina said as we sat at the _takoyaki_ stand counter.

"How's the SAN-point collection business?" I asked after ordering a late lunch for us both.

"Sanity is in short supply all over the world," Ina said. "But enough about the news. Were you needing help with your work?"

"Do you know anything about this girl?" I brought up Kiara's currently-inactive Twitter feed on my mobile and passed it to Ina.

"A phoenix?... No, I'm afraid I've not been made aware of any cases of madness from death-and-rebirth in the neighborhood."

"She's overdue to be reaped again," I explained as I took back my mobile. "Her personal 'case worker' hired me to look for her. She might have gone underground to avoid being taken to THE 'underground'. Could you ask around?"

"I'll send out some 'feelers' across the neighborhood right away," Ina said.

I shuddered again at that mental picture. "Thanks, Ina," I said. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Well, 'Miss Gumshoe'," a submissive Ina said seductively, "you could step on some of my tentacles."

"Sorry, hon," I said through a mouthful of octopus. "You're a sweetheart, but I don't step that way."

—

As I was walking from the _takoyaki_ stand back to the office, two cute little fish-girls in dark glasses and pin-stripe suits walked up to me and held my arms. "Keep walkin,' one fish-girl growled with a cute mafia accent. "We's gonna go fer a liddle ride."

"Woid on da street," the other fish-girl growled, "is dat youse is lookin' for a fee-nix."

"What's it to you, earthworm-breath?" I growled back in my best cute gremlin-gumshoe voice.

"Youse askin' too many questions," the first fish-girl said ominously. "Youse gonna be SLEEPIN' WIT' DA FISHES!!"

—

Later that evening, I was sleeping with the fishes— or rather, one smol fish in particular.

"I'm sorry if my school-of-fish-girls were rude," Gura said as we snuggled up in a blanket fort at Gura's place. "Virtual help is hard to find."

I patted Gura's head under her hoodie. "No worries. But if you wanted to invite me to a sleepover, you could've just messaged me."

"It's more than that," Gura said. "Woid on da— excuse me, WORD ON THE street is that you're looking for a girl named Kiara Takanashi."

"Do you know her?" I asked eagerly.

"No," Gura said, "but I have a hot tip for you."

"You know I don't like spicy food," I said sadly.

"No, silly!" Gura giggled. "Kiara works at the fast-food place at Seventeenth and Main. I got the seafood special from her there last week."

"You remembered her," I asked, "after ordering food from her only once?"

"She's really easy to remember," Gura declared. "You'll see what I mean."

"Thanks, Gura. I'll check it out tomorrow," I said. "So, what did you want to do for our slumber party?"

"[Twister](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBK0gKW61NU&t=21m35s)?" Gura asked hopefully.

"I'm down," I said as I effortlessly [dislocated my arm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQI4yf7ZgHU&t=53m25s) in preparation.

"On second thought," Gura said nervously, "let's Netflix and snuggle instead."

—

Late the next morning, I met up with Calli in the parking lot outside the fast-food place at Seventeenth and Main.

"Try not to reap her until I can get her out of the building, OK?" I said. "You might draw attention to yourself with that FREAKIN' HUGE SCYTHE."

"Very well," Calli said. "But make it quick. I WANT her— NOT LIKE THAT!!"

I walked into the place, and immediately spotted Kiara. "I can help whomever is next!" the extremely colorful girl said from behind the counter.

"Kiara Takanashi?" I said. "I need to talk to you personally, please."

"Alas, dear customer, I cannot fulfill your order," Kiara said, apparently misunderstanding me, "for my heart is already promised to a hot mama— CALLI!!" After spotting Calli through a window, she suddenly and literally flew over the counter and out the door.

 _That was easier that I expected,_ I thought as I followed Kiara out of the building to find her glomping my client.

"Personal space, _kusotori_!" Calli snapped. "Why did you run away from me? You know we have an arrangement— NOT LIKE THAT!!"

"I already told you I was working an extra shift this week," Kiara said.

"WHEN did you tell me THAT!?" Calli asked.

"Last Thursday morning," Kiara said 

"WHAT!?" Calli cried. "I slept in last Thursday morning!"

"I know," Kiara said. "I didn't want to wake you up, and so I told you while you were asleep."

"WHAT!?" Calli yelled. "I thought you were MISSING!! I even hired a DETECTIVE to find you! And all because you told me WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!?"

"I love it when you scold me!" Kiara said submissively. "Please scold me some more!"

Calli suddenly realized something else. "KIARA." she seethed as she unsheathed her scythe. "WHAT. WERE. YOU. DOING. INSIDE. MY. PLACE. WHILE. I. WAS. ASLEEP."

"Watching you sleep," Kiara said obliviously. "You're so CUTE when you're drooling on your pillow—"

* _ **KA-SNIKT**_ *!!

A silence fell over the parking lot as what was left of Kiara immediately ignited and burned to ash.

"Thank you, Detective Watson," a suddenly relaxed Calli said. "Please know that you've helped to save the universe, as well as my own sanity."

"I'll send you my bill," I said. "And you have my sympathies. Dealing with her every few decades must be a stressful way to spend eternity."

"It's not all bad," Calli said. "When she isn't CONSTANTLY GETTING ON MY NERVES, she can be fun to be with— NOT LIKE THAT!!"

 _SURE it isn't_ , I thought to myself again with another smug shipping grin.


End file.
